We were always so sure.
From the time my 4-year-old son was an infant, my ex-husband and I were sure we wanted to wait until our son turned 6 before we’d start him in kindergarten. His birthday is at the end of July, so with an August 31 cutoff, he would be on the end of the spectrum in terms of age compared to other kids in his class. A girl with a September 1 birthday could potentially be leaps and bounds different from our son in emotional and social development.
Yes, I know ALL kids are different. I teach special education… my job is to teach to those differences. But given our son’s personality (both the positive and negative traits), we have always been concerned that he simply wouldn’t be ready at 5. Our son is a tiny tornado of a human being who struggles every single day to control his big thoughts and feelings — in greater ways than the average 4-year-old.
But recently…
Our son was evaluated by our local public school system for special education services. The results of this evaluation were frustrating, at best. In terms of his IQ, my son is incredibly bright. BUT because of his attention, hyperactivity, and anxiety issues, he is melting down quite a few times a day in his preschool setting. Sometimes, seemingly for absolutely no reason. His teachers are AMAZING and are so incredibly patient and wonderful with him, but there are days he just cannot keep himself together. He gets frustrated with his peers over them not going along with his big schemes and grand plans. He cries and cries and cries for 20 minutes and just can’t explain why.
My smart, sweet little boy struggles every day to control himself, and it’s just so hard for him. But because of his IQ scores, the other things weren’t really considered. I fought, my ex-husband fought, his current teachers fought to explain how his minute-to-minute life is impacted by his behavior and emotions.
Now the advice is…
The school psychologist mentioned in the meeting that she truly believed holding off on kindergarten was not in our son’s best interest. She feels he will need the stimulation of kindergarten and will have even more trouble controlling his behaviors and emotions if he stays in preschool another year. The director of his preschool seems to agree. She is concerned that the benefits of a third year of preschool don’t outweigh the concerns of holding off kindergarten until 6.
So now we’re facing a decision we seemed so sure of previously. And while I know this is not the biggest decision we will have to make concerning our son and his education, it is so hard to know if we are making the right call.
Did you send your kindergartener on time or keep him or her home an extra year? How many of you had your child repeat kindergarten? How did you decide?
I feel like you are writing about my son. He has an August birthday. I had planned on keeping him back but the teachers advised against it bc he would be academically bored and it could result in more problems. He has always been socially immature. After having testing done I have had drs ask me if I understand how high his IQ is and if I understand how smart he is. However, just bc he does so well academically I have found in the classroom with peers he struggles bc of his anxiety and social immaturity. He is a freshman in high school and I wish every day I didn’t start him and went with my gut. Because once they start and you try repeating grades they will always advise against it when the children are doing so well academically. Every parent I meet who has a summer baby especially a boy I tell them my biggest regret was listening and not waiting on kindergarten.
I am in the same boat, but a year ahead- my son is an end of July birthday and did fine in Preschool. Now that things are ramping up socially and academically he’s having problems with self control,even being aggressive at times. I am leaning towards keeping him back and doing another year in kindergarten. It’s such a difficult decision and we are still grappling with it.