My husband and I have always known we want three children. I am one of two, and my husband is one of four. I knew I wanted more than two; my husband thought four was a lot. We settled on three pretty easily and started quickly.
So 14 months after we got married, our first son was born. Then two and a half years later, our next son was born. We knew we needed a little break after that and decided to wait awhile to try for a third. But we knew we were definitely going to try for a third. There wasn’t an IF in that — it was always a WHEN.
The summer of 2020 seemed like the perfect time to try for our “last.” Our oldest would be entering kindergarten, his brother would be at preschool, both of us were comfortable in our jobs, and we weren’t foreseeing any big changes in our lives. Yes, 2020 would be the year!
Then 2020 came. And COVID came.
Things were shut down, our youngest’s preschool closed, our oldest was learning remotely, I was teaching remotely. We have been wearing masks, using hand sanitizer, doing takeout, staying away from people. And worst of all, we suffered two devastating losses — an uncle and my mother-in-law.
All of this due to COVID.
We have been reevaluating our lives, changing plans, making new plans. And, unfortunately, that includes our plans for having a third child. In a perfect world, I’d be pregnant now. But we are nowhere near a perfect world right now.
If I were to be pregnant right now, I’d be attending all the appointments solo, we’d tighten up our quarantine bubble, and there would be constant worry (more so than the regular COVID worry I have every day).
I know people who have had babies and are pregnant during this pandemic. They are healthy and thriving. I just don’t know if we can go through it. We have seen firsthand what this virus can do. It makes me so sad that we are toying with the idea that a third baby might not be the best idea for us. Definitely not now. But also, maybe not ever.
When discussing our family plans early on in our relationship, three was such an easy number to say. Now, it might just be two.
I am hoping 2021 proves to be a better year and we can go back to the original plan.
