sober mom - Boston Moms Blog

Today, June 18, I celebrate 15 years of sobriety. A decade and a half. For me, more years sober than years drinking. My children are 3 years old and 5 months old — so I’ve never been anything other than a sober mom. 

I got sober a week before I turned 23. I’d never been arrested or to detox. I didn’t show up to work drunk, never lost my job, and never ended up homeless in the park, sipping alcohol out of a brown paper bag. When I first got sober, I thought those were the requirements to qualify as an alcoholic. Instead, I got sober because I hated the person I was becoming; I hated the person I became when I drank. 

When I drank, I drank with intention.

Alcohol allowed me a freedom I didn’t know when I was sober. It was the social lubricant I needed to feel comfortable in my own skin. Without it, I was awkward, unattractive, and unlovable. With it, I was still all of those things, I just no longer cared. In early recovery, I learned that my drinking was a symptom of something deeper. Through working the steps, I learned that the something deeper is fear. My greatest fear is that I am not enough. Alcohol never made me feel like I was enough; it just allowed me to not care for that moment. 

When I became a mother for the first time a little over three years ago, I didn’t realize the major role alcohol would play. I was suddenly bombarded with posts and ads on my Facebook feed about “mommy’s sippy cup” or “mommy’s special juice.” It’s like when you get a new car, and you suddenly notice how many of that make and model are on the road or in a parking lot.

I instantly realized how glorified alcohol is in the role of motherhood. And I get it.

Momming is hard. It is not for the faint of heart. There are days when I think there would be nothing better than an ice cold whatever-you-guys-are-drinking-now. And then I think it through. It usually goes like this:

I could drink without it leading to a major catastrophe. Maybe have a few with my husband or friends. The world would continue to spin. I mean, it spins for the hundreds of moms I see on social media, right? If it works for them, why not me?

But then the thoughts turn.

Do I really want to risk what I have? Do I really want to rock the boat of the sober life I have built for myself over the last 15 years for one of those new sparkling seltzers? Do I really want to lose the person — the mom — that I’ve become? In a word: No.

In three: Not. At. All.

Not for anything. For the last 15 years, my sobriety has been mostly private. I don’t wear it on my hip like I do my insulin pump, signifying my diabetes. Writing about it is uncomfortable for me. There are people in my life who will read this who have no idea I do not drink, never mind the fact that I identify as an alcoholic. So why now? Why after 15 years of maintaining anonymity? Because one of you may be reading this and thinking that maybe, just maybe, alcohol isn’t playing the role you want it to in your life. You’re not on a corner in Boston soliciting money for booze, but you don’t like the way you feel when you drink.

That’s not a problem, though, is it? Maybe. Only you can decide. And maybe reading my story, one without prison, poverty, and public shame, will help you realize that alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes — even loving, caring moms who can’t imagine not ending the day with a glass (or bottle) of rosé.

I’m not perfect. I don’t drink, but I act out in different ways — I sometimes overeat or overshop or overexercise in order to cope with feelings. I’m not perfect at momming or at pretty much anything. But I learned in sobriety that I don’t have to be; I just have to be present, honest, willing to learn, and open to change. The gift of sobriety changed my life 15 years ago. It continues to be a gift in my life and in the lives of those around me. 


If you think you may have a problem with alcohol, or any other substance, there are a variety of resources available:

Boston Area AA
SMART Recovery
Adcare

Sarah Casimiro
Sarah grew up in Rhode Island and now lives in West Bridgewater, making brief stops in Quincy, Fall River, and East Bridgewater, along the way. She made the leap from Rhode Island to Massachusetts way back in 1999 when she decided to pursue a teaching degree at Boston University. She chose her career in 1987 and is currently teaching high school English to 10th and 12th graders, fulfilling a 6-year-old’s dream at the age of 22, a proclamation that often brings forth snickers from her students. She became a mother for the first time in 2016 to her daughter Cecilia, then doubled down in late 2018 with the birth of her second daughter, Adelaide. She currently lives with her husband, Jason, their dog, Nanook, their cat, Moxie, and five chickens. They share a home with her parents, who live above them and also provide the most amazing childcare for Ceci and Addie. Sarah couldn’t live without her family, her insulin pump (shout out to other T1D mamas), and Starbucks iced chai lattes. She could live without angry people, essay grading, and diaper changing.

1 COMMENT

  1. Thank you so much for writing this! I got sober 4 years ago and my son is 2.5. Unlike you, my life was a catastrophe while drinking 😉 but like you, I didn’t like who I was when I was drinking and I wouldn’t trade a single sober day for that old life. It can be lonely though in a society that does glorify the “mommy juice”… And while close friends know about it, I often wonder what some other mom friends would think if they knew. Thanks for speaking out and being courageous enough to share your journey in the hopes of helping someone else.

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