manners - Boston Moms Blog

The best friend I made during my semester abroad in college hailed from nearby Cohasset. We managed to stay in touch after our program ended, and I flew to the East Coast from the other side of the country to visit her several years later. I stayed with her family, meeting her dad and stepmom. Her dad was a bit more formal than what I was used to, and in an aside to my friend, I asked, “Can I call your dad by his first name, or should I call him Mr. Pierson?” She let me know that I should definitely call him Mr. Pierson — until he told me otherwise! We were 24 at the time.

I grew up on the West Coast, and I’ve always called my friends’ parents by their first names.

My friends always called my parents by their first names. The West Coast is less formal than the East Coast in many ways, and I assume that this is just one. 

I’ve made my home in Massachusetts now, but old habits die hard. I call my neighbors and the parents of my daughters’ friends by their first names. As a result, my daughters call these adults by their first names as well. No “Mr.” and no “Mrs.” However, our two teenage babysitters call me “Mrs. Kaplan,” as do some of the neighborhood kids. And every time a young person calls me that, I think: 

Am I inadvertently teaching my kids bad manners?

It’s very important to me that my children are polite. They both engage in conversations with adults, and if someone asks how they are, and they respond with, “Fine, thank you. How are you?” I feel like I’ve done my job. But maybe I’m accidentally committing a faux pas that outweighs all that I’ve taught them?

What do you think, mamas? Is it rude for a child to call an adult by his or her first name? Or is it a form of respect that’s outdated in our brave new world of emojis and internet slang? Weigh in!

Rachel Wilson
Rachel Wilson
Rachel is a native of the West Coast and didn't know that her straight hair could frizz until she made the move East! After earning a Master of Environmental Management from Yale, she moved to Boston for a job opportunity and, on her first Saturday night in the city, met the man who would become her husband. They married in 2012 and are learning more every day about how to be parents to daughters Annabel (2013) and Eleanor (2016). Rachel and her family recently relocated from Charlestown to the Metrowest suburbs and are enjoying their yard, but dislike shoveling snow from their driveway. Rachel currently works as an energy and environmental consultant, and wore Birkenstocks before they were trendy. Likes: her family, her in-laws, cooking ambitious meals and leaving the dishes for someone else, hiking, running, yoga, climbing mountains, reading books, farmers' markets and her CSA, dark chocolate peanut butter cups, the sound of her daughters' laughter, and coffee Dislikes: running out of milk, New England winters, diaper rash, wastefulness, cell phones at the dinner table

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3 COMMENTS

  1. I also grew up on the West Coast and both children where born in SoCal. My children use some form of title with all adults. My close friends are Miss Stephanie or Mr. Ron, while teachers and “authority” figures are Mr. Smith or Ms. Wilson. My neighbors (all born and raised here in MA) call me by Mrs. Last Name except for my very close friends. I think it’s a little too informal for kids to call adults by first names only unless invited.

  2. I grew up calling adults by their first names too and I think it made me feel more confident as a child speaking to adults. I’ve met your children and think they are far from impolite (btw your bio says you are a mom of two). I think it makes adults more accessible to kids, and that as long as they still say please, thank you, etc. (to everyone — kids and adults), then they are rocking the politeness.

  3. My husband grew up deep in the south and I myself had to adjust to the yes ma’am and no sir that is expected when I address his family. As a result, we teach our children a more laid back “millennial” version if you will. I refer to adults as Mr and Mrs when speaking to my children, but I do not think it overly rude to not do so. I will say, I would prefer to be referred to as Mrs when a child is speaking to me because at the end of the day, I am an adult and they are the child.

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