Alarm goes off! Oh my gosh, why are my children so bouncy so early in the morning? And how are their toes so freakishly cold? I wonder if they have my poor circulation? But now they’re snuggling. Aww, I’ll take these snuggles any day. Remember when they were tiny and snuggly? Maybe it doesn’t matter if we’re late for school, because I really just want to stay here forever. Maybe I should have another baby. Or not, because now they’re kicking me. And their brother. And jumping. So much jumping. I think I might actually have one kid too many. Or three. Our neighbors must hate us. Please, please, please let there be coffee already…
Shovel that cereal faster, kiddo. I’m not sending you to school without breakfast, even if it is just Frozen II Marshmallow Charms. Why do we have that again? Oh right, the temper tantrum of death at Costco. That reminds me, we’re out of something. What was it again? Brush your teeth. Now. Yes, now. No, I actually mean now, not after you build a skyscraper with your Magformers. Dear God, has he actually hit any of his teeth with that fun motorized toothbrush, or is he just massaging his ear with it? Definitely in the ear now. That probably explains the cavities… I need to call the dentist again.
Shoes! Backpacks. Lunch. No, we’re not negotiating about snacks. No, you can’t take the Magformer tower with you to school. Shoes. What are you doing? Where are your shoes? Stop hitting your sister with the lightsaber! PUT ON YOUR SHOES. Why am I yelling already? I never wanted to be a yell-y mom. I think I’m turning into my mom. Oh thank God, they’re finally out the door — just a little late. My husband is a saint to take them to school every morning. Now where did I put my coffee?
Oh look, that mom from my kid’s class just accepted my friend request. Yay, mom friends! Huh, that took a long time. Wonder what she thinks of me? I bet she thought I was awkward that one time when I hadn’t had coffee and was stumbling over my words. Who am I kidding, I’m awkward even when I do have coffee. I’m just an acquired taste — there’s nothing wrong with me. Maybe she’s just weird. Or maybe I’m weird? My gosh, our house is a mess. I wonder if normal people clean under the couch regularly? And how do people keep couches white? Do their houses always look like Pottery Barn catalogs? Because mine just looks like a barn. A small barn that lots of small animals destroy.
Speaking of small animals, where is my littlest monkey? Oh good, she’s entertaining herself by reading a book — completely in the nude. Oh yay! She likes reading! I wonder if I should start teaching her letters now? Am I behind on her schooling because she’s not doing preschool yet? I should probably get her a punching bag so she stops tackling her brothers. Is that normal? Time to heat up my coffee again.
To-do list time. I’m going to put “shower” on here so it actually happens. Who am I kidding? I’m going to wear my running pants instead so I actually go for the run I need. I’m going to put everything I do on here so that if my husband sees it, maybe he’ll know how much I actually do accomplish each day. Oh God, do I actually accomplish anything meaningful in my day? Girl, please, you write for Boston Moms — oh, shoot! I forgot about my deadline today! You run your own business, keep the house clean-ish, cook homemade meals, run half-marathons, lead a half-dozen moms groups, and are raising three pretty decent human beings. And I’m exhausted — maybe I’ve taken on too much? And am I even doing it well? My kids still keep wiping their hands on their shirts and don’t use spoons, and they think poop is hilarious.
Oh look, my toddler just pooped. Yay! Now we can leave the house without fear of an accident! Shoot, forgot the coffee in the microwave again.
OK. Dishes are done, breakfast is cleaned up (theirs, anyway — I still haven’t eaten!), laundry is folded, kids are off to school.
I should probably start my day.
Where is my coffee again?