Maybe it's your own grandmother who never spoke about it. A friend of a friend. Another mom in your child's class. Or maybe you're the one in four who has experienced pregnancy loss. For me, it's all of the above. I never imagined I would be a part of this particular mom's club — the one where we lost a baby we loved but never met. The club that has us silently grieving years after the loss, while everyone else has forgotten.
Contrary to what Instagram would have you believe, you don't have to plan elaborate family outings to create cherished memories. Sometimes it's as simple as a doughnut and a hot cup of coffee with the people you love most.
I am choosing to show my children how to be the good in the world. I want to teach my children how to give people the benefit of the doubt. I want them to learn how to communicate with people when they are unsure, confused, or hurt. I want them to be able to accept people as they are and not what they think they should be. We all have learned some lessons on our life journey, and all of us have missed a few lessons. So instead of passing judgment on one another for being an authentic, flawed human, let's embrace the idea that most of us out there really just want to be good and trust their intentions.
I'm not talking about joking around and being silly — my husband and I act that way with our kids all the time. The type of teasing I am talking about is humiliating or shaming kids. I am talking about words and actions that are unkind and meant to embarrass. For example, think about when an adult gives a negative remark about a child's appearance. I recently witnessed a father say, in front of his child, 'He needs to lay off the ice cream or he's going to be fat like me,' and then chuckle about it.
Step 4: Establish a connection. Pointing out commonalities is often a productive starting point. Examples include: 'I too have small people who follow me around all day demanding juice and then immediately spilling it into the fish tank because the cup was the wrong color.'
For a date night, dinner out at a restaurant is nice. Bars are good, too. But for sheer atmosphere and potential to rekindle the passion in a relationship that feels completely run ragged by children, the lounge reigns supreme. Why?...
Moms who don’t think twice when I ask to use them as an emergency contact (and then dutifully show up to pick up my sick kid when the school nurse calls).
After three years of infertility treatments that included IVF and surgery to help them conceive, the final answer was unbearable. No. No, they would not have a child together.
"Because, friends, our daughters are watching, and we get the privilege of being their first model of what it looks like to be strong, beautiful, capable women. Women who like themselves, speak kindly to themselves and others, and don't stagnate but actively pursue growth."
I’m well aware of the statistics on you, second marriage. We are even more likely to fail than a first marriage because, to summarize the hundreds of internet articles on the subject, we have even more complexities than does a first marriage, with even less of the 'glue' that can hold together a shaky union.
As soon as your kids are preschool age, consider calling to order a Family Meeting. It’s a way to give everyone in the family a voice (and to take those little voices seriously), to practice democracy, and to show that we’re part of a team with common goals. And, it’s — yet again — a way to slow down and touch base with one another.
I felt lost and alone, despite the fact that I was surrounded by family and friends. So I did what I had always done: I joined things. I longed to make mom friends and connect with them in a way that was not possible with my husband, my friends who are not mothers, or even my friends who are mothers, but of older children. I needed moms in the same 'boat' I was sinking in — that sleep-deprived, drowning-in-love, disoriented-and-dehydrated, struggling-with-breastfeeding, hating-my-post-pregnancy-body boat.
Our love isn’t a palm-fringed beach, Or to the moon and back, It’s not a fine dining restaurant, Or a romantic film, all white and black. Our love is at the kitchen island.
I don't know how I would have reacted a year ago if a fortune teller had tried to warn me that divorce was in my future. I probably would have called her a nasty name and told her to stop lying. Well, in my head I would have. In real life, I probably would have just burst into tears. But she would have been right, and I would have still ended up here.
The first time I heard myself using one of my mom's phrases, I cringed a little. But I realize now, why wouldn't I want to be like my mother? I had a great childhood. And my mom is a person I really like today as an adult. I can only hope I'm as good a mother to my children as she was and is. So the next time I put on a sweater and tell my kids to do the same, I'll smile. Because I'm just like my mom.