Handwashing for Kids :: 3 Tips to Encourage 20 Seconds

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January 21, 2019

handwashing - Boston Moms Blog

Runny noses, coughs, and middle-of-the-night vomiting seem inevitable this time of year. And with two kids in daycare, I’ll try anything to keep them healthy and at school instead of sick at home! One proven way to fight germs and prevent sickness? Handwashing!

Of course, we all still get sick sometimes. But science says it would be a lot worse if I wasn’t making an effort to teach my kids to take 20 seconds to thoroughly wash their hands with soap and water instead of doing a two-second rinse. Here are a few tips I’ve found success with to get my kids to lather up and beat those winter illnesses!

Sing, sing, sing

Little kids love to sing. And there are so many songs that are either about handwashing or just work well for handwashing. My favorite is one my kids learned at daycare (sung to the tune of “Are You Sleeping”):

Tops and bottoms, tops and bottoms,
In between, in between,
All around the hands now, all around the hands now,
Get them clean, get them clean.

The words remind the kids to wash all over their hands, and the length is about right if you sing it twice. Other songs that work well are “Happy Birthday,” the alphabet, or just plain counting/singing to 20. If they count too fast, tell them to count to 30 or use a silly voice to slow them down a little.

Be silly

Stand behind your little one and hold her hands. Make big gestures, narrate what you’re doing (getting soap, scrubbing, turning on the water, etc.) and generally be funny about it. You’re being silly and giving them lots of attention, which they will love. But you’re also showing them the right way to get this done.

Stick with it

I’ve sent my kids back to the bathroom for a second round of handwashing enough times that now they often come out proclaiming, “I counted to 20!” And they really did — I listened for it. Like most habits, it takes awhile to become a regular part of a routine. But keep at it. Send them back, and stick with it.

We Tried Natural Gender Selection

By

Rachel Wilson

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January 17, 2019

natural gender selection - Boston Moms

My husband and I are the parents of two daughters. Our previous pregnancy strategy had just been to have a lot of sex, all the time. When we decided to go for a third baby, we were interested to see if we could try gender selection for a boy using natural methods.

Thank goodness for the internet, which has a ton of information about gender selection! (Note that this is just for fun, and not based on credible science.) The general theory of natural gender selection is that male sperm are faster than female sperm but also more fragile. So you’ve got to give them their best chance at getting to the egg. There are a few ways to do this:

Timing of intercourse

Female sperm can hang out in the body waiting for an egg for a few days. Males, not so much. The trick to having a boy, according to “the literature,” is to have intercourse when you’ve already released an egg. That way, all the male sperm have to do is just swim up to it. Conversely, to have a girl, have sex prior to ovulation so that all those male hares drop out of the race, leaving the egg open to the female tortoises.

Vaginal pH

Apparently, a more acidic vaginal environment tends to kill male sperm and is more favorable to female sperm. You can attempt to change the pH of your vagina through your diet. If you want to have a boy, eat alkalizing foods that are high in sodium and potassium and low in calcium and magnesium. For a girl, do the opposite — eat acidic foods. Certain lubricants also (allegedly) have different pH levels, so to protect those male sperm, use a natural oil rather than a synthetic lube.

Position and orgasm

Anything that helps move the male sperm to the (hopefully) awaiting egg faster is good if you want to conceive a boy. Sexual positions that deposit the sperm as close as possible are best. Female orgasm is also good because it is supposed to draw the sperm closer to the egg.

So… does it work?

I’m not going to get into the gory details here, but my husband and I tried some of these strategies. We only had sex when there was evidence I was ovulating. We did without synthetic lubricants. I made him skip underwear in the days leading up to ovulation, so his sperm didn’t overheat.

I’m over 35, so we were able to do the DNA test that allows us to find out the baby’s sex at 12 weeks. We just got our results.

We’re having another baby girl. And we couldn’t be happier.

How to Clean Up After a Busy Toddler When You Rent

By

Kat Cornetta

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January 16, 2019

One Saturday morning, I was putting dishes away while my 2-year-old played with his crayons just a few feet away. He started singing his favorite — “The Clean Up Song.”

“Are you putting away your crayons?” I naively asked.

And then I looked up. No. Instead of putting away his crayons, he had a navy blue crayon in his hand and was drawing on the wall.

My first thought: “No problem, I did that all the time as a kid and my parents just painted over…”

And then I remembered. My parents owned those walls I decorated with Crayola. I don’t own the walls my son was making a mural of circles on.

So what happens when the messes of toddlerhood meet the realities of renting?

First, remain calm. The benefit of living in the 2010s is that we seem to be at a height of stain removal.

Second, do a quick analysis of what kind of clean up you’re dealing with. What is the stain? What is it on? What color is the thing that it’s on? How old is the stain? How much is your security deposit? And can you possibly paint over it without your landlord ever knowing the wiser?

In this case, I had dark blue crayon marks on a mocha-painted wall. My security deposit is an amount I would really like to get back eventually. I couldn’t paint over it because the color was dark and unique enough that it would be difficult to match.

I needed to identify a way to get the crayon off the wall without removing the paint. Key to this would be testing every type of removal on a small corner of the stain. I’m one of those people who usually eschews that advice when it comes on products. (You know that whole “test this hair dye on a strand 24 hours before coloring”? No one has time for that.) But when it comes to walls and carpet you don’t own, it’s very important.

What works? After trial and error, I found that a green scouring pad with mild dishwashing detergent and warm water worked best for my wall. I scrubbed lightly in a circular motion, and the crayon came right off, even though it wasn’t a washable crayon. What to avoid? All that Pinterest advice about toothpaste and Windex. Toothpaste does nothing, and Windex strips the paint. Mr. Clean Magic Erasers (or their generic equivalent) can sometimes do the trick, but you will have to use a light touch and make sure the amount of paint that will come off isn’t noticeable. But key to any cleaning method is to test first. Every wall is different.

If you have my level of luck, 24 hours after you’ve removed the crayon, you’ll find your toddler dropping strawberries on the cream-colored carpet. Luckily, carpet stains and I are old friends. Get your toddler away from the stained area (in another room, preferably down for a nap) and use a pet stain remover. They are strong, but they are the only stain removers I’ve ever had luck with on white or cream carpet. (And for some reason, every single carpeted apartment I’ve lived in has had cream-colored carpet. Why?!) If the stain just occurred and is light, I’ve had recent luck with Mrs. Meyer’s Multi-Surface Everyday Cleaner. It smells much better than pet stain remover, and if you hit the stain in just enough time, it works. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I’m not asking questions.

Is it easy to navigate the messy toddler years when you rent? No. But it will put your MacGyver skills to the test.

Trying to Like Winter in Boston

By

Lindsay Goldberg

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January 15, 2019

winter in Boston - Boston Moms Blog

Let’s face it. The gorgeous days of summer are a distant memory. Fall is long gone. Winter is here. And I want to run into hiding.

Yes, I am a lousy New Englander. On snow days, I am the one pulling my hair out from cabin fever because I do not want to get wet, cold, and miserable from being outside.

I’ve been told I need to start liking winter in Boston, if not for me, then for my kids. I really do owe it to them to try to like winter. And, honestly, I’m getting tired of feeling trapped indoors. (Yes, my neck of the Boston woods does have great indoor escapes from winter. But still.)

So this year, I want to try to get myself and the kids outside. I’m not saying I’m going to love it, but I will try to like it.

This year, my family will get outside and build a snowman. He will have a carrot nose. There may be snow angels, too.

I will take my daughter sledding at Walnut Hill. She will squeal with delight, and I will scream for dear life.

I will sign my daughter up for a cross-country skiing lesson at Weston Ski Track. Even better, maybe my husband and I will go one day without the kids.

We will go for a hike around Broadmoor Wildlife Sanctuary. We will look for animal tracks, hear the crunch of the snow, and see the frozen water.

We’ll head to the iconic Boston Common for ice skating at Frog Pond. The classic Boston winter bucket list item, right?

Yes, I really do hope my mission to tolerate and accept winter will work. I hope to embrace even the tiniest bit of winter, or at least fake my way through it.

And, if not, there’s always hot chocolate at Chocolate Therapy.

9 Ways to Know You’re Done Having Kids

By

Jenny Berk

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January 14, 2019

done having kids - Boston Moms Blog

I always knew I wanted children. That was never a question. But when I met my husband and we got engaged and married all within a year, the “someday” mentality suddenly became something I needed to confront and consider. I was 30 when we married, so that provided some incentive to start making plans. But mostly, it was my husband. One of the sweetest things about him was that he had been dreaming of having children for as long as he could remember, and he couldn’t wait to start a family. In fact, he even asked me if we could start trying before the wedding, which I quickly put the kibosh on. I told him I needed six months getting settled into married life — just the two of us.

I kept waiting for that telltale sign that I was ready. But month after month went by, and I didn’t feel the visceral tug toward motherhood I had heard so much about from other mothers-to-be.

Finally, I decided I was never going to get a clear sign that I was ready, so we just jumped in. I didn’t expect to get pregnant immediately. I was sure I’d have at least another six to 12 months of trying before I really even had a chance to let it sink in that we would be parents.

But, I was incredibly lucky that we did conceive quickly and had a wholly uncomplicated pregnancy — I even delivered right on my due date.

The decision for number two was easy. So was the decision about when to try.

Flash forward three years, and my husband wanted to broach the topic of baby number three. I was recalcitrant, at first, in my hard and fast no. Never once in my childhood fantasies was there ever a third baby. It was frankly inconceivable to me. I stayed stubborn and staid in my conviction until one day a baby in a local Starbucks cooed at me and I almost fell to the ground, knowing I needed to have one more.

Some of us look for signs to tell us whether to have another child. Sometimes the answer is clear. And sometimes it is deeply muddled and riddled with equivocation. But I think, after my three pregnancies, I’ve figured a few things out. Like how to know you’re done having kids. Here are nine ways you can know for sure.

1. You see a baby and your ovaries no longer quiver.

2. There’s only one butt to wipe these days — your own — and you love the freedom.

3. You see a pregnant woman with a toddler in tow and feel sorry for her.

4. You look at your monthly bills.

5. You actually start laughing out loud when someone asks if you’re planning to have more kids.

6. You receive your AARP application in the mail.

7. You get annoyed at little kids kicking your chair in a movie theater or being loud in a restaurant — just like you used to before having kids.

8. You confidently and gleefully throw out your last lingering (and ripped and stained) nursing bra.

9. Your husband whispers, “Should we try?” and you quickly grab a condom and schedule his vasectomy.

How did you know when you were done growing your family?

Just Like That

By

Kate Cotter

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January 11, 2019

I was recently in a sandwich shop, waiting for my order, when Joni Mitchell’s “The Circle Game” started drifting from the ceiling. I had heard the song before, long before having children, and loved the lyrics. But upon really listening this time — as an exhausted, flustered mother — I was floored by how spot on Joni was in singing about a child growing up. Her repeated verse, “We’re captive on the carousel of time,” brought tears to my eyes as I began to think about how time is really such a sneaky creature.

I’ve reached the point in motherhood, now five years in, where the oft-repeated adage, “The days are long, but the years are short” is really starting to show itself in full color to me, each and every day. When I began this journey, I did not have the faintest clue about how the carousel of time would carry my children and me around and around, up and down, from different emotions and milestones, every second of every single day. And how — just like that — a truly difficult moment could be transformed into a beautiful one, and vice versa.

These past few months, I’ve felt as if the carousel of time has picked up speed and has sent along so many milestones for all three of my kids. I’ve been nearly blinded at times with the emotional turbulence, speed, and intensity of the changes and seasons our carousel has passed through. I can barely catch my breath before the next milestone happens, and at times, I’m hanging on for dear life to stay in each moment, stop the carousel, or will it to move along to the next season.

At kindergarten orientation a few months ago, my firstborn gazed around the school lobby in wonder, taking everything in, exactly like he had the first moment I met him on the night he was born five Julys ago. This was the boy who, at 16 months old, had a health issue that landed him at Children’s Hospital for five days, scaring his parents beyond belief. Thankfully, he overcame this and is perfectly healthy today. This same boy, who sobbed when I brought him to nursery school as a newly minted 3-year-old, hopped right up the big steps of the bus on the first day of kindergarten, turned around with one of the biggest grins I’ve ever seen, and continued on to find his seat. And only a few months into being 5, he lost his two bottom teeth in one week, flabbergasting one completely unprepared Tooth Fairy.

Some days the whining, wrestling, snack requests, and sibling squabbles seem endless. Yet this boy often catches me off guard throughout the day to say “I love you” when I’m least expecting it, and he watches out for his two little brothers like a protective lion.

My middle son, age 3, is the most spirited one. He adores his brothers with all of his heart, he is my shadow, and he tests me the most. Just as he loves to press all the buttons in an elevator, he knows how to press all my buttons with whining, tantrums, and stubbornness. He misses his older brother dearly when they are separated by school, and we both watch the clock to see when the bus will be pulling up to our driveway. But this boy has started to show major independence, too; he makes his own friends at the library and playground, and he brings his books up to the library desk to check them out on his own when I stay in the play area with his baby brother. When I bring him to school, he nearly runs through the door and barely looks back to give me a kiss goodbye, and he constantly talks about how much he loves his class, singing the songs and reciting the poems he heard that day.

Yet, he still requires that I lay with him at night so he can fall asleep. Some nights, that’s at least an hour after we’re done reading, and I nearly fall asleep next to him even though I have a long to-do list to tackle after the kids go to bed. But in particularly sweet moments, he intertwines his fingers with mine and asks me to sing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” or “Tale as Old as Time.” So I look up the lyrics and sing to him, terribly off-key, thinking I could lay there next to him forever as he falls asleep.

And my baby is just about to turn 1 — how can that be? I truly believe the first year goes by so much more quickly with each child. This little guy, who’s been schlepped around town his whole life to all of his brothers’ activities, is now cruising everywhere. The baby I stopped breastfeeding at 4 months due to a host of issues is now babbling up a storm and counts avocado toast and pot roast as his favorite foods, though he still wakes up most nights. He is the smallest of my three kids but is my best eater and has quite a vivacious and sweet personality to boot, marking his spot in our family and in the world. He is the light of all of our lives, and the perfect little pumpkin.

I know that the days when I feel like I am going to combust from the frustration of parenting strong-willed little guys will quickly pass by as we ride this carousel of time. That before I know it, we will be in the next season, and with that will come a new host of joys and challenges.

And as we begin this new year, I am so grateful to be on this carousel of time and to know how very special it is. It is not to be taken for granted.

So, if you’re someone who hears about how long the days are and how short the years are, yet you don’t quite feel it yourself, please know that this carousel of time is a beautiful thing.

I’m sending a big kudos to all you amazing mamas out there, and I wish you all the joy in the world as we embark upon this new year!

When It’s Over…

By

Boston Moms

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January 10, 2019

divorce - Boston Moms Blog

My marriage is over. My husband and I live in separate houses in different towns with a rotating schedule of who has our son and when. There are daily phone calls and FaceTimes to say goodnight and to tell the other parent about our son’s day at school. There are conversations about Mama and Dada not living together anymore, but how both parents still love and adore him more than anything else in this entire world. Then there are conversations about zombies, because he has the attention span of Dory from “Finding Nemo,” so he moves on quickly.

There is still joint time with him, too. My ex and I believe our son should still have time with his parents together, and, fortunately, we get along well enough to do this. We go to the movies or the playground all together, giving our son a few hours with both his parents. We try to show him that even though Mama and Dada may not live together or be together with him all the time, we still care for and respect each other and will always strive to model that.

My new normal

I don’t know how I would have reacted a year ago if a fortune teller had tried to warn me that divorce was in my future. I probably would have called her a nasty name and told her to stop lying. Well, in my head I would have. In real life, I probably would have just burst into tears. But she would have been right, and I would have still ended up here.

Most of the time, though, I’m honestly not even sure what “here” is. There are parts of my life that haven’t changed at all. I still have to go to work. I have to lesson plan and go to meetings and make sure my students and staff are where they are supposed to be at the right times. Then there are parts that have changed somewhat. I still have to pick my son up from daycare. I just don’t do it every day anymore. On nights he’s with his father, I don’t show up at his school to get him from the playground or his partner classroom. That’s the start of his time with Dada. Clothes still need to be washed. But I have two people to wash for now instead of three.

And then some things are very different. Two days a week now, I bring my son to school — something I never really did before on days I had to go to work. I am very fortunate that I could arrange it with my colleague for my students to be covered while I drop my son off at 7 a.m., and I arrive at school a little after the first period of the day starts.

Most of the time, I’m OK

I can’t quantify how well I’m doing right now. I think that, for the most part, I’m handling things pretty well. I’m eating, I’m sleeping, I’m still laughing and making others laugh. There are stretches, though, sometimes minutes, sometimes hours, where things are hard. I slipped last night in my dining room, and it took me a few minutes to get up. I worried about how it would affect my night with my son. I was fine — sore, but fine — but got a little nervous for a minute that I was really hurt. I know I could have called my mom or even my ex (and I know he would have come, because he offered when our son called him to say goodnight) if I really needed help. But the worried thoughts, however fleeting, were still there, even if it was just for 30 seconds.

I got up, though, and my night carried on. I made my son dinner and gave him a bath. We snuggled in his bed and watched a movie before he went to sleep. He kissed me goodnight and told me how much he loved me and told me he took such good care of me when I hurt myself. I agreed, because even though I still made him dinner and gave him his bath, he does take care of me in a lot of ways. He’s my little boy, and even though his life, my life, and my ex’s life are in a state of upheaval, he is our main focus and he helps keep us grounded.

I still love my ex. And I firmly believe I always will. I also know my ex still loves me, and I believe him when he says he always will. Right now, we’re just figuring out what that love looks like as co-parents and friends, not as a couple anymore. We’re still learning and growing and changing from all this, and I don’t know if we ever will stop. I have no idea what “normal” is ever going to look like for the three of us. I just know we’re working on it together.

10 Home Organization Tips for the New Year

By

Jalisa Harris

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January 9, 2019

Now that the holidays are over, I sit here with anxiety. Facing the post-holiday mess — with so much more clutter than last year — I’m wondering how we got here? How in the world can a 5-year-old have so much stuff? The new year feels like the perfect time to reflect on how to keep ourselves from hoarding or living in clutter. So I’ve come up with 10 home organization tips to implement this year. Give them a try!

1. Participate in a no-buy month

Another blogger I know does a “no-buy January” every year, and she loves it. The goal is to avoid shopping for new clothes/toys/household items and instead use what you have. Wear the clothes that are already in your closet — and take some time to mix and match your existing items into new outfits. Empty your pantry and come up with a few creative new dinner ideas. I love this option.

2. Donate — or sell!

We end up with so many clothes in our closets. Whether they’re from holiday and birthday gifts or times I’ve wanted to re-up the family wardrobe, we have way more than we need. Purging the items that never get worn feels so good! I typically sell using ThredUp or just donate to our local Savers. When you sell or donate items in your home that you don’t use, you’ll have more space for those newly received items!

3. Bins, bins, and more bins

Organizing everything into bins and baskets can make life so much easier. From beauty products in your bathroom drawer to odd-sized items in your freezer, sorting things into containers can help you more easily access what you have.

4. Labels

There’s nothing like a label maker to help you get organized! You know all those bins and baskets you’ve started storing your things in (see tip 3 above)? You can label your bins so you — and even the kiddos — know where everything is supposed to go.

5. Tackle that junk corner/drawer

Keep only one drawer or bin dedicated to things you don’t really need or use often. That way, once it fills up, you know it’s time to purge.

6. Capsule items

You’ve heard of a capsule wardrobe, right? The same principle can be applied to other items in your home. Take holiday decor, for example. Many of your red Christmas items — think candles or cake stands — can be used again for Valentine’s Day. Using neutral colors helps. Then add a small pop of color for that holiday so you can reuse, reuse, reuse.

7. Repurpose items

I purchased some leaf-shaped trays from the Dollar Tree last fall. When Christmas rolled around, I spray painted the trays red and used them for candy, keys, etc.

8. If it’s not accessible, you may not need it

Often times, items that aren’t accessible in our homes are not important or needed. Time to take a closer look at those hard-to-access things to determine if you truly need them in your house.

9. Create a schedule

Whether it’s a cleaning schedule for yourself or a morning “getting ready” chart for your kids, organizing the more chaotic areas of your life on paper is a great way to start your year.

10. Think minimal

You don’t have to be an official minimalist to live minimally. When you decide to live minimally, you’ll find less clutter makes its way into your home. Of course, some clutter is hard to avoid when kids are in the mix. For every one item you bring into your home or for your kids, get rid of something that falls into the same category (an unused toy gets donated when your kid gets a new toy, a tired old throw pillow goes to Savers when you buy something new for your living room).

Christmas Wasn’t So Magical

By

Ranessa Doucet

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January 4, 2019

I’m not going to lie; this holiday season wasn’t all that magical. It wasn’t the Hallmark movie script I had in my head. I had big plans to make Christmas cookies, drive around to see the lights, have the presents beautifully wrapped with time to spare, build a gingerbread house, decorate the tree while singing Christmas carols, and attend all the holiday parties.

Here’s where my plan got foiled: I have kids.

I get that kids bring the magic to Christmas with a twinkle in their eyes, but they also have a way of derailing your best-laid plans. They fought in the car ride to look at the lights, they broke ornaments, they smashed cookie dough into the chair cushions, and they were crazy hyper from all the Christmas cookies and gingerbread house decorating. Every time things weren’t going as planned, my stress level increased. I love my kids immensely, and I wouldn’t want to spend the holidays without them. But man, they can be difficult at times.

We were so busy from all the holiday parties and activities that the kids were often over-tired and cranky. Somehow we ended up in a panic shopping for gifts two days before Christmas. It was exhausting! Cranky mom came out, and nobody ruins Christmas as quickly as she does. The holidays were not the magical time I envisioned.

I had to give up the dream and accept the reality.

The holidays can be stressful — that’s just a fact. If we try to make them perfect, we will most likely fail.

What I realized this year — and what I want to remember the next holiday season — is that we benefit when we occasionally let the “perfect” plan go and instead look for the good that is surely there, even when it’s difficult to see. It’s not always easy for me to stay optimistic and focus on the good when things aren’t going as planned. It’s worth it to work on that (New Years resolution, maybe?). Sometimes we simply need to be with our families, chill, and remember what the holidays are all about.

The truth is, there were “magical moments” hidden within the chaos; those moments may have been fleeting, but they were there. The kids stopped fighting for a minute and marveled at the Christmas lights, they smiled when they found their favorite ornaments in the box, they giggled while making a mess in the kitchen, and they squealed with excitement while opening gifts. I’m going to try to focus on those moments amidst the not-so-magical ones, because those are the moments I want to remember — and the ones I hope my kids remember.

Maybe next year I will forget the stress of the holidays and remember it as the “best Christmas ever” like the Matt Damon SNL skit (hilarious by the way). I will also try to remember to stop trying to make things perfect, because there’s no such thing. The holidays can be fun, but they are not always magical. And that’s OK.

Cheers to imperfect holidays!

My New Year’s Bucket List

By

Krystal Avila

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January 3, 2019

New Year's - Boston Moms Blog

Keeping one New Year’s resolution for an entire year is not a strong point of mine. For example, that year I resolved to open my mail every day? By February the pile was almost a week deep. Or that time I tried to write in a journal every day? The pages are blank. Or when I wanted to work out, eat healthy, and get more sleep? I am still working on that, years later.

This year, I have decided to make a bucket list instead. Small goals that are attainable. Things I can cross off when they are accomplished. Ideas that will not leave me feeling like a failure come Dec. 31. Activities to do with my kids. Adventures to share with loved ones. Books to read. Recipes to make. A list. A simple list. Not an idea that will pass with each day.

So, here it goes.

My 2019 bucket list:

Make a Chinese food meal from scratch.
Try a new workout.
Mail birthday cards for family and friends.
Make my son’s lunch the night before, for a week.
Take pictures of the boys on the beach.
Run a 5K.
Make a batch of homemade cheese.
Read a cookbook cover to cover.
Plan a date night with hubby once a quarter.
Dance. Dance every day for 21 days. (Secretly hoping it becomes a habit.)

Actually taking a moment to write this list is already making me feel better about 2019. I am excited to hold myself accountable (and you can now hold me accountable) to these things. I am excited to cross things off. I am ready to tackle this list like I do my grocery list. I can do it. I will be successful. Each of these things on my list is an idea I have thought about, but now they are in a list — and they are achievable.

Maybe this year you will make a resolution to stick to for the entire year — or, join me in making a bucket list. Either way, I hope you have a happy and healthy 2019.

New Year's - Boston Moms Blog

Bringing Light Into the Darkness :: When Your Holidays Aren’t So Happy

By

victoriamorenojackson

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December 20, 2018

At this time of year we’re bombarded with bright lights, holiday cheer, images of perfect families with their perfect children, and an expectation that we are going to make everything just right to create the perfect memories to last a lifetime. Does this make anyone else feel a little twitchy?

On the other hand, it can be hard to avoid being overwhelmed by the not-so-happy aspects of this time of year — increasingly dark days, fundraising agencies telling us their most poignant stories of need in order to persuade us to choose them for our charitable giving. Earlier this evening, I was driving in the car, listening to a description of a book on someone’s top 10 list. The book’s characters included children, an abusive mother, and an incarcerated father. I changed to the other news station. I next heard about a five-year investigation into child welfare in Australia, which found that the system in place was seriously failing to protect children from abuse. Normally, solo driving time is my solace — today, not so much.

So what to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed by the world at this time of year? One thing I’ve been thinking about is winter cultural and religious traditions. If you think about a variety of traditions — solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah — they typically involve bringing light into the darkness. This really resonates with me. Light, life, and miracles feel like just the right thing to reassure us that after this cold, dark time, light and life will return, as they do every year. Or at least that this time of darkness is temporary and will pass. One thing I like to remind myself of, once we hit the third week of December (or so), is that the days will actually start getting longer.

Another helpful thing for me is to connect with other moms — supportive moms. Moms who you can tell your guilty secrets to (yell at your kids? not getting teacher gifts? forget to move the elf? feeling like a failure as a mother?), and who will say, “Me, too!” It can be really hard, especially this time of year, to find time to connect with your mom community, but there is nothing like hearing, “You are doing a great job!” or, “It’s okay. I do that, too, and you are still a wonderful mom!” when you’re feeling down on yourself. If your internal flame has gone out, it’s OK to ask someone to share their flame with you.

Finally, it is OK to take time for yourself. Need to hear that again? Taking care of yourself is taking care of your family. One more time? It is not selfish to do something for yourself. Think about what restores you. Exercise? Bubble bath? Watching sappy Lifetime movies? Eating a sugary treat? Reading a book? When you do these things (if you do these things), how do you feel? Do you feel guilty? Do you worry what’s going on in your absence? Do you feel a need to rush back to momming? How about trying something different? The next time you do something for yourself (which should be soon), think about it as celebrating a wonderful human who deserves this kindness and caring.

Do you feel the winter or holiday blues? How do you deal with stress at this time of the year? Please share any tips you might have for other moms who might need a little help right now.

Dear Fellow Mom, I Wish I Had Said Something

By

Krystal Avila

-

December 19, 2018

Dear fellow mom,

I wish I had said something.

I pulled up behind you at the gas station and saw you and your son. He was beaming ear to ear, because his little hands were pushing on that gas handle so hard. He was the one pumping your gas. You were chatting with him, showing him the numbers on the pump. He was thrilled to be learning about the process, and you two were having a moment…

Until…

The car came out of nowhere, and I heard the woman telling you something. I wasn’t totally sure what she was saying but I heard,

“Kids… cancer… DON’T DO THAT.”

And everything changed. You tried to cover up what your son was doing. You kindly pushed him away from the gas pump, because you were being judged and reprimanded on how to care for YOUR son. I saw the expression on your face. A mix of frustration, anger, and sadness. I’m not sure your son noticed. But here’s what I think.

You are a good mom!

That stranger did not see the learning opportunity your son was experiencing or the bonding between the two of you; she immediately jumped to judgment about what she thought you should — or shouldn’t — be doing.

I saw it, though! I saw everything. And I wish I had told you what I saw, because we moms need to stick together! With all the social media mom wars and the judgments passed, I think we get the brunt of it. People think they can judge us the moment we get pregnant. They think they know what is best for our children. From the comments about being pregnant, to breastfeeding, to brands of baby items, to teaching our children, they think they know best.

They don’t!

We moms know what’s best for our children because we are trying our best. We are up at night reading, researching, snuggling, feeding, consoling. We are worrying, caring, teaching, and we are what is best for our children.

I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. Because I’ve been there too. Next time, I promise to tell you how good of a mom you are. I’ll tell you not to worry about everyone else. Your son was so happy to be helping, to be learning from you, and you were both smiling. Those are moments we need to cherish and think about.

So, let him help pump your gas. Teach him the difference between regular and premium. Show him how to use the credit card in the machine. And enjoy the moment!