A Comparison of My First and Fifth Pregnancies

pregnancies - Boston Moms

We have spent the last eight years building our family. It’s been a lot of pregnancies, nursing, sleepless nights, and joyful chaos. This pregnancy is likely to be our last, and as I reflect during the last five weeks of it I can’t help but see some big differences between the first and last!

My attitude has shifted

With my first baby, I was over the moon in love with the idea of being a mom. Even when I was put on partial bed rest the last two weeks for hypertension, I loved every minute. By the fifth pregnancy, though, age, weight, reality, and exhaustion have replaced the euphoria of my first. I had planned to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy as if it were my first. That was a short-lived plan.

I could sleep away the first-trimester fatigue the first time around, but having four littles now won’t allow for it. Any nesting attempts have been quickly foiled by messy tiny toddler hands. After four baby bellies and two C-sections, aches and pains are daily reminders that I’m not the young 32-year-old I was with my first. I am still excited to be pregnant this time, but I’m even more excited to be done.

I’m less social

I wanted everyone to share in my joy with my first few pregnancies. I kept up social engagements, I had several showers, and I participated in birthing, newborn, and parenting classes. After my first son was born, I immediately joined a new moms group and continued to participate for several years. This pregnancy, though, I went into hibernation around 27 weeks. I’m all set with being social. I’m quite content in my sweats all day long sitting on the couch watching my four kiddos tear the place apart!

I’ve become a rule breaker

As a first-time expectant mom, I read everything and followed all the pregnancy rules — even the ones that are a bit over the top. Now, I still take care of myself and my unborn child, but from a place of practicality and reality. To know which rules I break, you’ll have to chat me up personally. I do follow the ones that are based on common sense and fact. I don’t fret over getting it all right, and I follow my instincts. It seems to be working just fine.

I’m still getting ready

As I write this at 35 weeks, I’m still getting ready. I have done quite a bit, but I still have laundry, set up, organizing, and car seats to handle. If the baby came tomorrow, we’d figure it out. If I can, I’ll get it all done in time. But I might not. I guess the race against the clock has begun. I’m walking, though, not running!

Our baby will have no nursery

Our first nursery was beautiful, color-coordinated, and ready for baby’s arrival well in advance! This time, however, we haven’t completely decided how our family’s bedroom makeup is going to look. So she won’t have a nursery or a crib for her first six months. Instead, I have a bassinet, dresser, rocker, and changing station set up on my side of our bedroom. She’s rooming with me to start, so no need to prepare a nursery she may never use!

I have less anxiety

Over the course of the first four pregnancies, I had a wide range of experiences. I was living in the clouds with my first, then experienced some anxiety with my second and third (most likely due to a miscarriage before my second). My third pregnancy resulted in an emergency C-section, which amped up my anxiety over the fourth. My fourth delivery was scheduled, and there was nothing remarkable about the experience except for the lack of labor. I have experienced enough to know it’s all gonna be fine this time and will happen the way it’s supposed to. My anxiety has reached an all-time low, and for that, I’m very thankful.

Overall, it’s been quite a journey building our family. I have loved every minute of these hard eight years and will remember them fondly — but I am very much looking forward to being on the flip-side of it all and making memories with our complete family!


 

The View From My Glider

The view from the glider in my daughter’s bedroom shows a map of the world. Though I bought the map to inspire a sense of adventure for her, it has become meaningful to me as a source of connection. It is connection to the moms in different time zones and circumstances who are doing what I do in that chair — fiercely loving their child. When I find myself rocking her during the hours that conventional wisdom tells me I should be sleeping, I look at that map and remind myself that I’m not the only mom going through a phase that, at times, feels harder than it does fun.

Holding my daughter as she naps, looking at our map, I’m filled with questions I could never possibly answer: How many other moms out there are cradling their babies so they can sleep through an ear infection? How many other moms are resorting to slice-and-bake cookies for Santa and picking up a pre-made appetizer for New Year’s Eve because there’s just no more Mom Magic left at the end of the holiday season? How many other moms question whether they are doing all they can to keep their children safe and healthy? Is it just me?

The duality of my feelings has been a challenge. Daily, I am filled with immense gratitude for my beautiful family, yet I also still mourn the life I once lived, a life unencumbered by the stress of missing work due to someone else’s illness or harming relationships by canceling plans at the last minute.

So, in this new year, I will keep cultivating gratitude. I will fight to live in the moment. I will take my children camping in the White Mountains and delight in watching them splash in the campground lake with sand squishing between their toes. I look forward to hearing my daughter’s language change from babbles to words, and to seeing my son (hopefully!) make it all the way up Great Blue on his own. I strive to be attentive to the ways my husband brings joy to our children, as he is present with them in a way that catches my breath day in and day out. There is so much good to see.

So, moms, as I sit in the glider looking at my small corner of the world, I see you. I see your struggles and sacrifices and triumphs. I am lucky to be on this journey with you.


 

 

I’m Not Always Mom of the Year (and That’s OK)

We were at the mall. I was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. My kids were running in two different directions. I was short-tempered with them and definitely not showing my best self. Mom of the Year, right? No doubt, some of the other folks there would have called me other names.

But, here’s the deal: It was a snow day. The second snow day. The second snow day after Thanksgiving weekend, illness, and lack of sleep. I had hosted Thanksgiving, baked with my children, and heard them sing the Turkey Tom song a hundred times together. Don’t get me wrong — I loved every minute of it. (OK, most minutes of it.)

I had read countless books, which is quite possibly my favorite thing to do with them. I had played rounds of Candy Land with them (continuing to play until they both had won). I had let them turn my couch into an obstacle course, observing from far enough away for them to enjoy their independence, but being close enough to stave off any casualties.

I watched lovingly as they played together, and I encouraged the use of “I statements” when that wasn’t working out so well. I served them breakfast, and lunch, and dinner. And snack, and snack, and snack. For days on end.

I took a few spare minutes to scope out summer camp options. I fretted about what was waiting for me at work in this now-shortened week. I sent emails about swim class.

So when I got to the mall, I was exhausted. I had a whole bunch of pent-up energy to release. And so did my kids. They were itching to play in the snow. I am not a snow lover. We had been cooped up for quite a while.

They ran off in the mall like the no-longer-caged dogs that they were. And it was funny at first. Until I had had enough and I realized how this all looked — and I felt embarrassed. Another day, I might have been able to shrug it off and remind myself that parenting is more than one moment in time.

Today, I felt pathetic. I felt like a failure. It had just been too much.

And then an older couple walked by. They didn’t call me Mom of the Year. But they also didn’t call me those other names I was calling myself. They both looked me in the eye with a nod and a chuckle and said, “We’ve been there.”

That little moment saved me.

That small exchange reminded me that not everyone is mom-shaming and judging — and that I should definitely not mom-shame myself. It reminded me that not every moment of parenting is perfection. And that’s OK. (And it does not negate all the other moments.)

Some days are easier parenting days than others. Some weeks fly by with a wonderful syncing of energy, listening, and fun. Some hours are spent crying in the corner, worrying you’ve scarred your smaller beings forever. Some days we are singing, hugging, and playing with our sweet little ones. Other days we are that mom in the hoodie and sweatpants, chasing after her kids running wildly in opposite directions.

All those days together make up the motherhood journey. All of them.


 

No One Told Me Parenthood Would Come With Eye Injuries

A mother holding her hands up to her eyes

Parenthood grants you a lot of gifts. Hugs. Little voices saying, “I love you, Mommy.” Gobs of handprint crafts.

And eye injuries.

I write this post with one eye covered with an eye patch, looking like a pirate, after my second corneal abrasion (tear in my cornea) in my nearly four years of parenthood. Everyone prepared me for all the other gifts of childhood, but no one prepared me for the eye injuries.

And it’s not just common folk, like I, who suffer eye injuries at the hands of their children. In November, Today co-host Samantha Guthrie suffered retinal detachment thanks to her toddler hitting her with a toy train. Boston Red Sox utility player Brock Holt found himself missing games at the beginning of last spring when his son poked him in the eye and caused an abrasion. “One of his fingernails got me good,” Holt said to reporters at the time.

Holt and I share a similar story. My first corneal abrasion happened when I was changing the diaper of my then 1½-year-old two years ago. I finished the job, and my squirmy toddler stood up, looked me in the eyes, proclaimed, “Eye!” and promptly poked his finger in my left eye.

After hours of blurry vision, pain, and tearing up, I went to urgent care. The nurse looked at my eye and said, “Let me guess — your kid poked you in the eye.”

“How did you know?”

“Because we see it a lot.”

Referred to an ophthalmologist the next day, the doctor walked into the exam room and said, “I hear you have a corneal abrasion. Do you have kids?”

“How did you know?”

“Because most of the people I see with this injury suffered it at the hands of their toddler,” he laughed.

Cuts in your cornea sound and feel awful, but they’re very treatable. A round of eye drops and a few days of an eye patch or sunglass-wearing indoors and you’re as good as new… except that you’re not. See, as my ophthalmologist informed me, corneal abrasions never really go away. You might be sitting at your desk nearly two years later, blink, and bam! It re-tears.

Like it did to me.

I was sitting at my desk at work, typing an email, when I blinked — and BAM. It was back. And within hours, the pain was worse than it was the first time. Tears dropped down my face and onto my laptop like I was watching the saddest episode of television ever created (or, to be honest, the ending of Super Bowl XXV). I went to the emergency room because the pain was so bad that I thought it must have been more than just the return of my old eye injury.

The resident came into the exam room, examined me, and of course asked, “Did someone poke you in the eye?”

“Two years ago. My son.”

“Yup, that’s how that usually happens.”

So to newbie parents, I offer you the following advice: Some of you are going to get poked in the eye by a well-meaning, but curious, child. Or you may take a toy to the eye. Or you might catch that lovely pink eye going around your child’s class. Have an eye doctor in your phone contacts, have an eye patch of some kind in your first aid kit, and just know that if eye injuries happen to you, you’re far from alone.


 

What’s Harder: Raising a Toddler or a Teenager?

toddler or teenager - Boston Moms

I remember walking into a Starbucks, clumsily wearing my 3-week-old baby in my baby Bjorn. I was so exhausted and irritable from weeks of no sleep, and I had one mission and one only. Get the damn coffee, STAT!

While paying for my coffee at the checkout, I overheard two moms chatting about who had it worse — the mom with the toddler licking her foot under the table or the other mom who was worried her teenager might be doing some “other” types of naughty things with her tongue.

They went back and forth, both mightily making their cases about why parenting their “T” was harder. It was almost like a “FML” festival (Google it).

I remember thinking that what I was going through as a first-time mom with an infant was harder than anything I had ever done in my life! And this was what I had to look forward to?

More hard?

Hallucinating from exhaustion, leaking enough milk to make my own latte, and feeling completely overwhelmed, I grabbed my coffee and abruptly left to ponder my life’s decisions.

But that’s the whole point. 

With each stage, be it a little T, a big T or any phase in between (tweens, anyone?), there are going to be epically bad days. (Like that time I was having a mommy playdate in Boston and my baby decided to have explosive poop as I nursed her on a park bench. Ahh, yes, that one was for the books.) And you’re going to have these glorious days you didn’t even see coming. (Like that day when I finally understood what everyone meant when they said the love you’ll feel for your baby will be like no other you’ve ever felt before.) 

No one can claim some magical age or phase is harder than any other, necessarily. It really all has to do with each individual child and our own ability to handle the stressors and unknowns during each stage.

Every stage is going to suck. Yet every stage is also going to be glorious. From toddler to tween to teenager — and everything in between? Parenting is hard! 

When it’s your first child, you’re experiencing that phase, with them, for the first time. The unknowns and how to deal with situations you couldn’t have predicted happen in real time, and you are often lost and in the dark, just bushwhacking it as you go.

Same for the toddler years of your first child. Of course I had heard about the terrible twos (oh and the terrible threes that they DON’T tell you about), but you just really don’t get it until you are living it day in and day out.

Now that I have a teenager, I see myself going to bat for that mom of a teen at Starbucks. Is it because I am myopic and stubborn and can only see and experience what is happening in this moment? Or is it because I really did forget what it was like having a toddler?

Consider the following (since I’m trying to be empirical here):

Pros to teen stage:

Pros to toddler stage:

  • Nap time!
  • Is amazed by everything
  • Still your “baby”
  • Can go on outings together without eye rolls

Cons to teen stage:

  • I mean, it’s everything you’ve read about and worse…

Cons to toddler stage:

  • See above 

And where are there overlaps?

Teen/Toddler

  • Messy room? Check!
  • Sleep issues? Check!
  • Talks back and is stubborn? Check!

See? All hard and all glorious. Just like parenting is at all stages.

Over to you. What stage do you think is harder? The teen or the toddler? Let us know your thoughts and experiences!


 

Codeverse Boston Is Opening!

Codeverse coding camp Boston - Boston Moms

It is never too early to start thinking about summer. It may still be chilly outside, but those warm-weather, school-vacation months are just around the corner! And with the thought of summer vacation comes a question: What are the kids going to do during those months off?

Codeverse is the answer!

Codeverse coding camp Boston - Boston MomsThis cutting-edge, fully interactive coding studio is opening a Boston location at the Burlington Mall in summer 2020!

What exactly is Codeverse, you may ask?

Codeverse is the world’s first fully interactive coding studio and technology platform for children ages 6 to 13, offering weeklong camps, weekly classes, and weekend parties. At this state-of-the-art studio, kids will learn how to code using KidScript — a proprietary language drawing inspiration from JavaScript, Ruby, Python, and Visual Basic that enables children to build mobile games, projects, and apps. In addition to app and game development, kids learn how to program cutting-edge technology featured within the studio, including concert-hall lights and speakers, and a 20-foot TV wall!

Camps and classes are led by guides.

Codeverse coding camp Boston - Boston MomsCodeverse guides come from a wide range of backgrounds! Among them are K–12 certified teachers, improv comedians, seasoned designers, engineers, and game developers. This diverse mix of backgrounds, skillsets, and experiences creates a dynamic, fun, and engaging learning environment for kids!

Each guide is equipped with an iPad to display real stats on how every student is progressing through the self-guided and adaptive curriculum. Guides then use the data to craft a personalized approach to learning to code for each individual student.

Kids receive achievement pins and digital badges.

As they demonstrate their comprehension of coding concepts, learn to control physical objects (using code) within the studio, and build unique apps and games, students earn badges and pins. These are displayed on the Parent Portal, where parents gain real-time visibility into their child’s progress and can view all badges earned by their child!

2020 Summer Camps at Codeverse Boston

From video game creation and robotics to 3D printing and circuitry, Codeverse camps are packed with hands-on STEM activities that are fun and engaging for every tech-loving kid.

The Codeverse studio is a futuristic, digital wonderland. Every aspect — from the furniture to the hardware — is designed to encourage play, inspire creativity, pique curiosity, and promote collaboration.

Codeverse coding camp Boston - Boston MomsWhen your child attends a Codeverse camp, they embark on many educational adventures. Weekly themes include studio programming, coding, robotics, 3D printing, circuitry, and game development. Students also get to embark on excursions to area businesses throughout the week to see coding in action!

To cap off their exciting week, campers have the opportunity to show off their coding creations to family and friends during Demo Day, a fun celebration that is held every Friday afternoon during camp!

What is included in Codeverse Camp?

  • All coding, robotics, 3D printing, and hands-on STEM activities

  • Allergy-free lunches, beverages, and snacks

  • Guided, organized excursions to nearby businesses 

  • Complimentary early drop off at 8 a.m./late pick up at 4 p.m.

Codeverse is the first of its kind and sure to be a thrilling summer adventure for tech-savvy kiddos and newcomers alike! Don’t miss your opportunity to register for this exciting new camp! 

Register for Codeverse Summer Camp here. Camps run weekly from 6/22–8/28. Families that register before 6/1/2020 save $100 off the cost of registration!

Codeverse Boston

The Villages at Burlington Mall :: 75 Middlesex Turnpike, #3040 :: Burlington, MA 01803

 

A New England Transplant’s Guide to Boston Winter

Boston winter - Boston Moms

Prior to moving to Boston, I spent eight years living in the D.C./Baltimore area, which does not have a stellar record when it comes to dealing with snow. When we told people we were moving to Boston, the response was, “Good luck with those Boston winters!” Now, in the middle of my fourth Boston winter (with a 2-year-old in tow), I am happy to report that the winters are not nearly as fear-inducing as I was led to believe. (Now if only I could say the same about the drivers.) Here’s what I’ve learned.

Things get canceled… but not often.

I remember the first time significant snowfall showed up in the forecast. Where I used to live, 5-6 inches of snow is more than enough to cancel school, all extracurricular activities, and most businesses for at least a day or two. So when it happened for the first time here, my husband and I assumed our outing with friends would be canceled. We were surprised to find that everyone still planned to head out.

Of course, it was then that I looked out the window and witnessed the well-oiled machine that is Boston Public Works snow removal. I was amazed to see not only a plow, but also a Bobcat scooping snow into a dump truck that drove it away in no time. The grass and sidewalks were covered in snow, but the street was clear down to the pavement. Nothing was canceled that night, and life went on without missing a beat in the midst of half a foot of snow.

Get ready for sidewalk Olympics.

OK, everything I said above about the fine art of snow removal in Boston? Well, that only applies to the streets, and it is the EXACT opposite when it comes to the sidewalks. The sidewalks will be terrible from now until April. Many sidewalks will remain unshoveled for days. OR there will be a tiny shovel-width path, so there is no hope of navigating a stroller down the sidewalk. The daily melting and re-icing can pose a challenge for even the most devoted sidewalk clearer. Be prepared for many weeks of plowing that stroller through snowbanks, across ice patches, and sometimes even into the street to make it to solid ground. Godspeed, my friends.

Invest in a good pair of boots.

If you plan to leave the house between December and April, a good pair of boots will make all the difference. I was encouraged by some local friends to invest in Bean boots my first fall. I initially balked at the price but decided to take the plunge… and it remains one of the best decisions I’ve made. Four years in, they are still in great shape. They keep my feet warm and dry on the coldest of winter days. And of course, they provide much-needed traction as I navigate the icy sidewalks of Boston with my stroller. (Speaking of which, I’d also highly recommend investing in some winter stroller gear, especially a bunting of some kind.)

The 4 p.m. sunsets are real.

The first time I walked out of a faculty meeting at 4:30 p.m. in darkness, I was convinced something was wrong with my watch. Nope, I just moved to a place that probably should be on Atlantic time. Just be prepared for 4:30 p.m. darkness.

Boston winter does last forever.

The first time I visited Boston, it snowed. ON MAY 1. I assumed it was probably some kind of fluke but have since learned I was wrong. Some years winter is more like October through April, others it’s November through May. But however you look at it, winter in Boston does really linger for about six months. Yep, that’s right. Half the year is winter.

It is beautiful.

Before I scare you away, let me be clear: Winter in Boston is beautiful. Yes, it’s cold. Yes, it’s long. Yes, it’s dark. BUT unlike most places I’ve lived, Boston is prepared for all those things. There are plenty of indoor activities, museums, and events where you and the kids can stay warm and dry on the coldest winter day. There are plenty of impressive sledding hills in local parks. There are so many ice skating options to explore. And who doesn’t love an excuse to snuggle up inside and watch a movie with hot chocolate?

Take it from this New England transplant: Boston winter isn’t that bad. And with a little planning and preparation, it might actually turn into one of your favorite seasons!

 

All (Before) a Day’s Work

mom morning coffee - Boston Moms

6:30 a.m.

Alarm goes off! Oh my gosh, why are my children so bouncy so early in the morning? And how are their toes so freakishly cold? I wonder if they have my poor circulation? But now they’re snuggling. Aww, I’ll take these snuggles any day. Remember when they were tiny and snuggly? Maybe it doesn’t matter if we’re late for school, because I really just want to stay here forever. Maybe I should have another baby. Or not, because now they’re kicking me. And their brother. And jumping. So much jumping. I think I might actually have one kid too many. Or three. Our neighbors must hate us. Please, please, please let there be coffee already…

6:45 a.m.

Shovel that cereal faster, kiddo. I’m not sending you to school without breakfast, even if it is just Frozen II Marshmallow Charms. Why do we have that again? Oh right, the temper tantrum of death at Costco. That reminds me, we’re out of something. What was it again? Brush your teeth. Now. Yes, now. No, I actually mean now, not after you build a skyscraper with your Magformers. Dear God, has he actually hit any of his teeth with that fun motorized toothbrush, or is he just massaging his ear with it? Definitely in the ear now.  That probably explains the cavities… I need to call the dentist again.

7 a.m.

Shoes! Backpacks. Lunch. No, we’re not negotiating about snacks. No, you can’t take the Magformer tower with you to school. Shoes. What are you doing? Where are your shoes? Stop hitting your sister with the lightsaber! PUT ON YOUR SHOES. Why am I yelling already? I never wanted to be a yell-y mom. I think I’m turning into my mom. Oh thank God, they’re finally out the door — just a little late. My husband is a saint to take them to school every morning. Now where did I put my coffee?

7:15 a.m.

Oh look, that mom from my kid’s class just accepted my friend request. Yay, mom friends! Huh, that took a long time. Wonder what she thinks of me? I bet she thought I was awkward that one time when I hadn’t had coffee and was stumbling over my words. Who am I kidding, I’m awkward even when I do have coffee. I’m just an acquired taste — there’s nothing wrong with me. Maybe she’s just weird. Or maybe I’m weird? My gosh, our house is a mess. I wonder if normal people clean under the couch regularly? And how do people keep couches white? Do their houses always look like Pottery Barn catalogs? Because mine just looks like a barn. A small barn that lots of small animals destroy.

Speaking of small animals, where is my littlest monkey? Oh good, she’s entertaining herself by reading a book — completely in the nude. Oh yay! She likes reading! I wonder if I should start teaching her letters now? Am I behind on her schooling because she’s not doing preschool yet? I should probably get her a punching bag so she stops tackling her brothers. Is that normal? Time to heat up my coffee again.

7:30 a.m.

To-do list time. I’m going to put “shower” on here so it actually happens. Who am I kidding? I’m going to wear my running pants instead so I actually go for the run I need. I’m going to put everything I do on here so that if my husband sees it, maybe he’ll know how much I actually do accomplish each day.  Oh God, do I actually accomplish anything meaningful in my day? Girl, please, you write for Boston Moms — oh, shoot! I forgot about my deadline today! You run your own business, keep the house clean-ish, cook homemade meals, run half-marathons, lead a half-dozen moms groups, and are raising three pretty decent human beings. And I’m exhausted — maybe I’ve taken on too much? And am I even doing it well? My kids still keep wiping their hands on their shirts and don’t use spoons, and they think poop is hilarious.

Oh look, my toddler just pooped. Yay! Now we can leave the house without fear of an accident! Shoot, forgot the coffee in the microwave again.

7:45 a.m.

OK. Dishes are done, breakfast is cleaned up (theirs, anyway — I still haven’t eaten!), laundry is folded, kids are off to school.

I should probably start my day.

Where is my coffee again?


 

Mom Life Ain’t a Track Meet, It’s a Marathon (Why Ice Cube’s Wisdom Can Be Applied on the Daily)

mom guilt - Boston Moms

“Life ain’t a track meet, it’s a marathon.”

It’s true. So often throughout the day, I’ll remind myself of these lyrics. (Yes, I do sing it — in my head or aloud. It’s also fun to serenade myself in the mirror.) Pre-motherhood, it was simply about life. Now, I apply the metaphor to motherhood.

Mom life is a marathon, not a sprint.

You see, every mom I’ve ever known, near and far, experiences mom guilt to some degree, at some point in their journey of motherhood. And typically, it doesn’t serve us, especially when it leads us to say no to the things that fill us up.

So here are a few ways I’ve found to kick mom guilt to the curb and live my #momlife marathon to the fullest:

  • Remember your why. Whether it’s a reason for going to work every day or a night away from the family, taking time to invest in ourselves usually has a greater “why” than the feelings that may come up from time to time. For example, I currently work part time outside of the home as a therapist, and I’m building a life coaching business. These are things that allow me to use my gifts, bring in money for the family, do something good in the world, and feel a sense of meaning and purpose.
  • Practice saying no. “No” is one of the most valuable words in the English language, especially during the busy seasons of our lives. Last holiday season I decided to ignore the mom guilt and say no to the craziness/business/stress. During your next busy season, make a list of the memories and events or activities that give you and your family joy. Then say no to the rest.
  • Reach out to a favorite person for a pick-me-up. Bonus points if she also happens to be a mom. Chances are, she’s had mom guilt before and will have some tips for you. Or if nothing else, she can remind you that mom guilt is normal to feel, but it’s also OK — and, in fact, wonderful — to ignore it. Put it away. Focus on things that serve you.

How have you kicked mom guilt to the curb? Please do let me know. Motherhood is a long journey, and we’ve got to tend to our hearts, souls, and selves along the way.


 

4 Simple Steps for Healthier Phone Habits

healthier phone habits - Boston Moms

If you had to live without your phone for a week, could you do it? Would you be happier?

I went phone free for a week, and it helped me realize how much I had been overusing my cell phone — and under-appreciating my everyday life. It happened by accident, and at first, I was miserable without my handheld device. What happened after I adapted to life without a cell phone is the surprising part:

I actually enjoyed my time without it.

As a stay-at-home mom of two young children, I had been using my cell phone as a lifeline to the outside world. On any given day I could spend an hour straight on social media alone. I felt the compulsion to check updates on social media, search for deals on Facebook Marketplace, and send my friends funny memes. It kept me connected with friends and family but simultaneously pulled me away from the present moment within the walls of my own home. I knew I was on my phone too much, but I wasn’t sure what else to do with my minimal free time while at home. I was sucked in.

Then one night, my phone froze, turned black, and never turned on again. Naturally, I panicked and tried every trick I could to revive it. The next two days brought snowstorms, so getting a new phone wasn’t on the agenda. Besides, by the second day, I didn’t really feel the need to go get a new phone. I found that without the steady ping of notifications I was able to truly enjoy my free time. Responding to e-mails right away seemed less urgent, especially when I didn’t see them come through instantly on my phone. I felt free.

When I connected my new phone, what I learned is that I hadn’t really missed that much. A few texts came through, but nothing time-sensitive or urgent. Having truly enjoyed my week sans telephone, it made me want to set up some parameters around my usage. Here are a few ideas to help you implement freedom from your cell phone:

1. Check your usage

When you step back and consider how much you use your phone in a given day, that may be enough to inspire action. Is it the first thing you reach for in the morning? The last thing you look at before you go to bed? A quick check online answering these six questions on Pyschology Today might help you gain some insight into whether or not you may be developing an addiction to social media. Using a phone usage app such as Moment could also help you visualize how much time (and where!) you’re spending on your phone.

2. Put the phone down

Once you’ve decided to spend less time online, it is important to take steps to help you reach this goal. One of the most simple and effective ways is to put your phone down and walk away. By placing your phone in the same spot regularly, it will allow you to hear it if it rings while also creating a physical boundary. During my phone-free week, my mind accepted that I didn’t have my phone to fall back on. And I found productive things to do instead. I engaged more with my children, finished some house projects, and sent off mail to friends. You’ll be less apt to check your phone if it isn’t within arms reach.

3. Turn off app notificationshealthier phone habits - Boston Moms

Another great way to avoid getting sucked into your phone is by turning off app notifications. That way, when you check your phone you won’t feel sucked into multiple apps only to realize most of it could wait. Because I was starting over with a brand new phone, I’ve been taking the “less is more” approach. I have fewer than half the apps I had before. By turning off notifications, muting stories, and unfollowing pages that are no longer sparking joy, you’ll clear up a digital and mental space so you can get back to what really matters.

4. Turn your phone off before bed

In the last 50 years we have seen the invention of the computer, internet, and cell phone. We are plugged in more than ever, and science suggests it may have an effect on our sleep cycles. One Harvard Study suggests that the use of blue light after dark may disrupt our circadian rhythm and increase blood sugar levels while decreasing melatonin secretion. I have been trying to turn my phone off an hour before bedtime, taking that time to read instead. I purchased an alarm clock and made my bedroom phone free — and it’s helping me get to sleep!

How do you limit your screen time?


 

On Being an Adult With Food Allergies

adult with food allergies - Boston Moms

I’ve had stomach problems for as long as I can remember. I even remember being shamed about it in law school. (“Ugh, you always get a stomach ache. Why do you have to be so difficult when we’re going out to eat?”) Yeah, that stuck with me.

Anyway, it wasn’t until I got older that I realized something wasn’t right. I started with seeing an allergist, who dismissed my stomach problems as no big deal but immediately began singing a different tune when test results came back. Turns out I’m allergic to soy, wheat, and almonds. Fortunately, I’m not anaphylactic, but I’m allergic enough that cutting these things out has made a difference, and when I do eat them I notice it for sure. Since then, I’ve taken steps further and have started seeing a functional medicine PCP to take a deep dive into what’s going on and find some solutions.

Here are a few things I’ve learned as an adult with food allergies.

You have to speak up

We spend a lot of time advocating for our children and their needs, but it turns out we have to advocate for ourselves! I’ve had to learn to not feel uncomfortable letting people know there’s a lot I can’t eat. I’m lucky to have a rich social life, but this also means I lack a lot of control over the things I get to eat. So if I’m going to a friend’s house for dinner, I make my voice heard so our hosts will offer something that’s safe for me and my food allergies. Or if we’re planning a night out, I speak up so we choose a restaurant with options that won’t make me sick. I’ve had to ask to speak to chefs and managers to make sure there is something safe for me to eat. I’ve also sometimes had to stick with fairly plain foods so I can avoid sauces that will make me sick. And it’s OK.

You may have to say no

Sometimes I decline invitations when I know there won’t be anything safe to eat. Or I need to be comfortable turning down food that is being offered to me knowing I may offend someone. Or sometimes, I have to do what I can to make it work. This may mean eating before or after an event, bringing my own food, or enjoying some extra water and being a little hungry. With food allergies, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

You have to do your research

It’s rare that I’ll step into a restaurant without examining the menu online beforehand.  Many menus do note what options are safe, which is definitely a big time saver. But in addition to that, I have to carefully read labels when purchasing food and plan ahead as much as possible so I know I’m purchasing things that won’t cause a problem. I also need to be careful about what I’m grabbing out of the fridge, because I’m the only one in my family with food allergies. (Here are two can’t miss resources for allergy-safe eating in the Boston area: Boston Restaurants for Allergy Families :: Where You Can Eat and Be Safe and Holidays and Food Allergies :: Boston’s 6 Best Allergen-Friendly Bakeries.)

Don’t let yourself be shamed

I can’t help that I have food allergies and my stomach doesn’t jive with everything I want to eat. But to make someone feel bad for something that they can’t control? Nope. That’s not OK.


 

Seeking Adventure This New Year :: 3 Promises to My Children

It’s January now, which means it’s time to evaluate our lives and decide what words we’ll use to ascribe meaning to our year. It’s time to determine what resolutions we’ll make — and then break a few months/weeks/days later.

Last year, I made an elaborate list of 34 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 35.  In a year, I accomplished 17 out of 34 — not a passing grade, but more than I would have accomplished otherwise. It was helpful to have goals and to have something to work toward. This year, I’m following suit by avoiding resolutions and aiming for practical adventures (mostly, the 17 things that I didn’t accomplish last year!). And having a dance party with my girlfriends is getting added to the top of the list.

As I think about parenting, I want adventure to be part of that as well. My favorite memories with my kids are the ones where we are throwing caution to the wind and doing something wild, out of the ordinary, or totally unplugged. In order to make adventure happen more often, these are the promises I’m making to my kids this year:

I promise (to try) to be present… and not plugged in.

We rarely have fun adventures when I’m staring at my phone, handling work emails, or planning the perfect Instagram-worthy adventure. We can make an adventure out of anything when I am simply (fully) present with my children. Some of my best memories from this last year are the 15 minutes I took every Friday to play train tracks with my middle son and live in his imaginary world with him, rather than rushing past. Adventure doesn’t have to be elaborate or preplanned — it just needs to be together.

I promise (to try) to be patient… and not (too) punctual or overprogrammed.

If you asked my children what phrase mommy uses the most often, they might say, “Come on!” or, “Hurry up!” Ninety percent of our days are spent rushing between activities. As a result, both my kids and I end up in similar emotional states — frustrated and tired. When I relax and stop rushing, yes, we are often late, but we end up having much more enjoyable days. When we do one fun thing, rather than 20, my children enjoy the adventure far more — and honestly, so do I.

I promise (to try) to be practical… and not practically perfect.

We are in the process of trying to plan our spring break adventures right now. Honestly, there are just too many options. Sometimes the enemy of a good adventure is the thought that the “perfect” adventure is out there somewhere. Or I get so distracted by my kids’ unruliness that I fail to enjoy the adventures we do have. Practically speaking, noise, energy, and chaos are going to be part of any adventure. The sooner I accept our reality, the faster we will be able to enjoy some really fun (crazy!) adventures.

And when all else fails and I break these promises next week, the best promise I can make my children is that I will apologize and we’ll keep working on it together.


 

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